Sally died 14 days ago. The silence and permanence of her absence has been crippling. And watching Todd – Sally’s soulmate – struggling to survive is excruciating.
I choose to share my dogs with the world. Their stories and lives bring joy, and have helped inspire and educate countless people for years. They become public figures and when public figures die everyone has something to say. Some things said are smart, kind and encouraging and some are unthinkable, ignorant and self serving.
Our society has never legitimized pet loss grief. Pets are considered and treated as “property” not sentient beings with souls so when they die, those who love them are expected to be sad for a bit then “get over it.” We don’t get bereavement leave from work or have memorial services for our dogs. In fact such things would be scoffed at yet being forced to make the decision to end a life you love more than anything on earth and hold them while they take their last breath is about as traumatic and fucking sickening as it gets. I’ve gone through it four times now and it’s not something that gets easier. It’s triggering and traumatizing. It is hell on earth.
There are a lot of people struggling to learn how to live life after losing their pet. Getting out of bed is almost impossible and sadly some find they cannot go on at all. This is a dark post and not a popular topic but it’s time society take pet loss grief seriously. Below are some things to think about when offering support. There are countless articles available about pet loss grief along and counselors who can help. Take time to read about how you can help yourself and others and don’t ever feel ashamed or alone in your pain. The love of your pet is no less important than the love of a human and fuck anyone who says otherwise.
-Do not ask whether your friend or loved one intends to get another pet.
-Check in not just days or weeks after a loss, but for months or even years after the fact.
-Resist the urge to say “I know how you feel,” even if your intention is to express empathy. “Everyone’s grief is unique.”
-Validate the loss.
